she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
