I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
