happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
