My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
worst night to have a conscience
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
