DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
