I'm lost and stupid without you.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
