i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
