My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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