So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
