I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
