she kept yelling 'call me bella'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
