Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
