I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
