I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
