Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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