Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
