i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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