WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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