We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
where am i from again
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
