Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
