I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
