he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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