How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish you could order shots online.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
