Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
