You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
