In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
