Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
