So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
