Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
