so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
