so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
