His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
