sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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