How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
