hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
