a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
that may or may not have been my penis.
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