Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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