You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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