Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I could fuck to npr.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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