Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
