do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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