So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
