your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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