When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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