I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
