god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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