some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
