I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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