i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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