Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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