the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
