a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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