Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
