Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
