Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
