You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
