I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
