there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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