Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize