is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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