whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
where am i from again
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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