she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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