It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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