So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize