What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
People in love make me want to vomit
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
