my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
