Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
