Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
