five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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