dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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