We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i now understand why vodka
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
