y did u give ur computer a hand job?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my sisters under your porch take her home
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
