Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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