She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
