Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
